dUSt

•October 20, 2019 • Leave a Comment

dUSt

*

Did you know that most of DUST

is just US?

It’s true. It’s the accumulated result

of the Human Race’s endless sloughing

off of it’s own Skin.

(Not to mention our various other sheddings,

hair, toe-nail clippings, snot, etc,

that are all, like Skin,

made principally of Keratin

& reduced in Time to DUST.)

Consider then our Collective Epidermis

drifting in the breeze,

dancing in the sunbeams,

gathering under our Beds.

Perhaps in Time

it will all collect

in sloughs and bogs and quagmires;

rich alluvial layers laid down

in every hollow across the Land,

until, squeezed by Tectonics & Time

in the slow Alchemy of the Ages,

deep deposits of pure Keratin

will form, just another part

of the Earth’s Geological Record

and a Future source of Fossil Fuels

for some Unknown Intelligent Species

a million or so years

further along down the track.

Well, they’ll need something to burn,

and seeing as how we’ve chopped down

most of Today’s trees, they won’t have Coal

to fuel their Industrial Revolution,

so it’s up to us to fill the gap

in the Fossil Record.

Don’t underestimate our potential as a Resource!

Keratin has many applications today

in the Bio-Chemical, Textile,

Agricultural & Cosmetic Industries

amongst others,

and already our own Scientists

have successfully trialled

its use as a Bio-Fuel.

True they mostly used chicken feathers

to source their Keratin,

but the principal remains the same

in practise.

So there you have it,

the Human Race reduced

to a Future Fossil Fuel,

and isn’t it nice,

don’t you think,

that we’ll finally be giving

something back to the Earth,

after we’ve taken so very,

very, much?

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

Secretary of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.,

and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

10 cents refund on return of container.

***

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PLUG & PLAY

•October 13, 2019 • Leave a Comment

PLUG & PLAY

*

The Toaster coughed

and spat out a piece

of blackened, smoking toast.

The Refrigerator (long known to be prone

to epileptic seizures) was wheezing asthmatically

and the Oven Door’s arthritic hinges

screeched like a rusty Banshee

every-time it opened it’s mouth.

Meanwhile, the Microwave,

possibly suffering from some form

of Dementia like Alzheimer’s Syndrome,

had taken to broadcasting brief bursts

of garbled gibberish,

transmitting it’s heuristic obscenities

on hitherto Unsuspected Frequencies.

Even the long-serving espresso machine

barely struggled on; vital valves needed to be replaced,

there were severe blockages in it’s circulatory system

requiring intervention via

the culinary equivalent of a Surgical Stent

Overall, I decided,

the Kitchen resembled nothing so much

as the Palliative Care Wing

of a White Goods Hospital.

The humm & flicker of the fading fluorescent tube

did nothing to improve that ambiance

as the espresso machine gasped & gargled,

choking on it’s own fluids.

No doubt about it,

Obsolescence loomed if not Senescence.

The Household Appliances

had had a good run

but it was time to Pull the Plug.

No Coffee!

It’s a Mercy Killing!”, I decided,

and smiling like the Angel of Death

I strolled to the letter-box

to survey the latest advertising brochures.

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

AND (by special dispensation)the Church of the Universe,

and Secretary of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.,

Puts his legs on one pant at a time.

***

Here We Go Again!

•October 6, 2019 • Leave a Comment

Here We Go Again!

*

Well as for me I’m just a Guy on the Go!

Not that I’m “Going Places”, but,

I do always seem to find myself

Going against the Tide.

Not to mention

Going against the Odds,

and of course, Going against the Grain, (again!)

I could even be Going to Hell in a Handbasket

for all I know, but still, I continue;

Going against my Better Judgement,

Going against Medical Instructions,

Going against Legal Advice,

Going against Expert Opinion

Going against your Wishes..

*

But don’t worry.. I’m Going ..

Yes, that’s right, I’m Going ..

I’m Going..

I’m…

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practising Performance Poet and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

Etc etc..

***

Don’t Mention the War

•September 29, 2019 • Leave a Comment

Don’t Mention the War

*

It was the War that Nobody Won.

You know the One.

Admittedly there were a lot of Losers,

but as most of them were Users,

they don’t really matter.

Like the thousands shot dead

in the Philippines

this year without even the pretense of a trial,

The Cops said they were all dangerous drug dealers,

but really, who the fuck knows,

maybe they just didn’t pay

their Protection money on time,

but hey,

these days it’s dangerous to ask

too many questions in Manilla.

Meanwhile in China,

tens of thousands of Addicts

are slave labourers in vast factory complexes

as part of that nation’s Economic Miracle.

Ah! Who could have known

turning out cheap electrical appliances

for Western Consumers

could be so rehabilitating?

But it took the Americans

to really make a profit

out of the War effort

by privatizing the whole

concept of Prison itself

and turning it into an Industry.

Yay, a GROWTH industry in fact,

always looking to expand

and create ever more jobs,

with lobbyists in Washington working

hard to get more Legislation passed.

Now they pass new Laws for the War

each financial year

to keep the Incarceration Industry Growing,

and their Share-holders happy,

while here in Australia

young people at Music festivals

are expected to drown in their own vomit

and the Unemployed undergo

regular ritual humiliation

to keep our Politicians feeling Righteous.

It’s true in some parts of the World,

enthusiasm for the War is waning,

and calls are coming thick and fast

for a negotiated Peace settlement

and a general Edict of Toleration.

No sooner does a Judge or Police Commissioner

retire these days and free to speak their Mind,

then they’re up in the Press conference Pulpit

calling for an End to the War.

Alas for Peace! Too many People in Power

are committed to saving their own Face

to start back-tracking now. So it’s

Just Say No Surrender!”

for the Present

while the casualties continue to climb.

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet

 and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

Limited 1st Edition in Fair Condition. Hard Cover, still in dust-jacket.

Some foxing.

***

CLIMATE WARRIOR

•September 22, 2019 • 4 Comments

CLIMATE WARRIOR

*

The Prime Minister (Scott Morrison) has been very busy fighting the Climate War on many fronts this week.

First he spoke out strongly against Business Leaders speaking out and getting involved in “Social & Political Issues” (Code for demanding Government take action to mitigate the Climate Catastrophe).

It may even be necessary to impose Fines upon the Recalcitrant parties, he hinted, to ensure compliance, but he was vague on the details so for Now that is a Question for the Future, as is so many other pressing Issues besetting this Government..

Next he sternly rebuked the thousands of school children who went out on Strike and took to the streets last Friday to demand action on Climate Change, instead of staying in school and learning how to become miners and engineers in our Great Fossil Fuel Industry.

Strangely, no-one pointed out to Mr Morrison that it was, after all, the last day of school before the holidays, or think to subsequently ask him,

“And how much did you learn on the last day of school,

Prime Minister?”

Indeed whilst on the subject of Education the PM expressed the Opinion that we will need to have a close look at the Curriculum, maybe even institute a Committee of Inquiry, to ensure that vulnerable minds aren’t being brainwashed by “Radical Green Propaganda“.

Gosh! What are they teaching the kids these days, fretted our Benevolent & Paternal PM. Too many Children are ending up in Psychiatrist’s offices worried about the World coming to an End, he told us, when they should be worried about where they’re going to get the deposit for their first house in Today’s Competitive Market.

“I don’t usually approve of Greenies, but in this case..”

And as if to emphasise that our PM is not just a local phenomenon, but an International Player as well, he triumphantly finished the week by having Tea in the Rose Garden with President Trump,

as both pointedly ignored the UN Climate Emergency Summit taking place nearby in New York.

It’s also good to know that our beloved Prime Minister (What’s-his-name) is not fighting his Climate War alone, but has the support of his loyal & capable Ministers..

Whilst our PM was being bro-manced in the Rose Garden, back at Home the Energy Minister (some nameless donkey) was marching bravely to his Prime Minister’s drum, and advanced the novel theory, whilst being interviewed on Insiders, that because Australia is now selling more Natural Gas to other countries, this being apparently “cleaner” than other fossil fuels they would otherwise be supposedly using, then THIS should be counted as part of our efforts to meet our own Paris Carbon Emission Commitments.

It was then pointed out that, as we also now sell more Coal to other countries as well, shouldn’t that be reckoned in the scale as well? On the Debit Side, as it were, Minister?

The Minister’s response was to break out into a well-tossed Word Salad of Talking Points as his eyes rolled upwards in his skull whilst sparks & smoke issued from his ear vents, before slumping suddenly forward in his chair.

At which point the interview was swiftly terminated.

But a Lifetime Achievement Award should surely be awarded to that Veteran of the Climate Wars, Barnaby Joyce, to mark the Milestone of the announcement this week, that as “Minister-slash-Envoy for the Drought

he was paid thousands of dollars and did precisely..

nothing.

Not even a memo, apparently. Not an email, not a press release, not a Directive.

Nothing.

Another Great Moment in Australian Politics.

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet

and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

Now available in Family and Snack size.

***

CONFESSION

•September 15, 2019 • Leave a Comment

CONFESSION

*

Frankly my dears, some days

it’s only the hatred of my enemies

that keeps me going.

I know..it sounds petty,

but they hate me so much

that it gives me such a shy, sly,

snickering & smirking pleasure

to disappoint them so,

simply by continuing to shuffle around,

year after year,

quietly minding my own business,

with an innocent smile

and a suggestively raised eyebrow,

that somehow seems to speak

with the voice of an Old Testament Prophet,

saying;

Verily, I will live to dance

on your grave, ‘Sunny Jim’,

or possibly

I will just piss on it.”

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

Does not respond to the provocations

of Haters, Baiters or Traitors. (Advises the Rev,

“All they get from me is Silence. Yes, being ignored

is what they really hate.”)

***

God’s Little Whipper Snipper

•September 8, 2019 • Leave a Comment

God’s Little Whipper Snipper

*

Following in His footsteps

every Gardener plays God,

you know the deal;

“You Live!…You Die!

You Go Forth & Multiply!”

So also before the Great Gardener

the Generations of Man

are but as the grass,

they come & they go,

they wither & they fade,

each life but a brief blade

sprouting from the tangled mass of foliage.

And when not a blade is out of place

then verily, the Human Race

shalt be the Lawn that the Lord

strolls across on the Seventh Day

to see that His Work is Good.

Oh Pilgrim! Take heed!

Don’t stick your head up

when the Great Whipper-Snipper

passes by, lest it pause

to tidy up the Topiary.

*

***

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The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism AND the Church of the Universe.

Though he stands trembling on the edge of Oblivion, his Spirit is Strong and he remains cautiously Optimistic about Life on Earths’ chances of regenerating after Humanity’s passing, after about, say, ooh, ten million years?

That’s usually how long it takes.

***