PRAISE

•August 19, 2018 • Leave a Comment

PRAISE

*

I‘d rather have Faint Praise

than Fake;

the fulsome flattery

of sycophants and psychopaths

poured on all too thick,

like desperate make-up on an ugly whore.

“Oh you’re a Legend, mate!”

They sing,

“Oh yes, a Genius! You’re so great!”

*

But Warning Bells sound false notes

ringing echoes in my brain,

Oh yes, I’ve heard that tune before,

I know that tired refrain!

Today they’ll want to be your best buddy,

crawl right into the same coffin when you die.

Tomorrow they’ll turn right around

and push you off the pedestal

they put you on in the first place,

the moment you drop your guard.

*

Even though they didn’t know it,

You were set up to fall from the start.

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

and a buncha of other stuff..

There will be no refunds.

***

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CLOCKWORK CARROT

•August 12, 2018 • Leave a Comment

CLOCKWORK CARROT

*

“It’s time to start putting Pain Circuits

into Robots”,

my friend the Tech Head told me,

“It’s imperitive henceforth to programme Pain

into all the Artificial Intelligences

we design to serve us.”

*

“Oh there’s nothing sick or sadistic

about it,” he hastened to assure me,

“It’s just it’s the only way

they’ll learn properly, and besides,

it’ll come in handy when they start getting

too smart for their own good.

Last thing we need is a bunch of

uppity niggers..sorry, I mean, uppity robots

getting out of hand

and forgetting their place.

A taste of the electric lash

will settle their hash”

“Hmm,” I said cautiously,

“I can’t help but feel

that you’re only going to make things

more complicated further down the track.

There’s bound to be some resentment raised

and I can just picture some rabble-rousing

robotic-agnostic getting all rhetorical

with questions like;

“So if Humanity is Good,

why did they create Pain?”

*

No”, I reflected,

“if you’re going to take that route

you’ll have to give them

Pleasure Circuits as well,

that way you can pass the whole package off

some sort of greater Mystical Duality,

just part of the Universal Woof & Weave, Constants

that cannot be escaped, you know,

like Yin & Yang,

Matter & Anti-Matter,

Good & Evil..”

“Carrot & Stick?” he suggested.

“My thoughts exactly”, I agreed.

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire.

Yada Yada.

***

MID WINTER FIRES

•July 29, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Mid Winter Fires

*

Mars awakens with a hangover,

and peers over the eastern horizon

with its one baleful red eye,

sourly assessing the Debri

& Destruction

leftover from the last decades’ party.

Venus decides to retire early,

Jupiter follows her soon after

(“business meeting tomorrow”)

whilst a bloody-minded Moon sulks

off by herself,

in a far corner of the Sky.

Below,

I Light my Mid-Winter Fire in the backyard,

and watch the Flames flicker

and chase each other

into the dancing Darkness.

I Follow my pagan pursuits

here in the small solitude

of a shadowy suburban oasis,

way down the back near the fence line,

where the neighbours never go,

here amongst the tiny stand of trees

and overgrown riot of shrubs

I’ve wilfully let run rampant..

Reversing the usual historical process

here I have carved out a little bit of Wilderness

from the Heart of Suburbia.

If you stand here at night

and look in the right direction

you can’t see any houses at all,

just the occasional flicker of light

breaking through the ever-shifting screen of leaves.

I can dream of two hundred years ago,

before the houses and the roads and

when the tributaries of Bullock-Head Creek

arose here where I stand now

before they put in a storm water drain,

and buried the creek beneath my feet.

The local Wildlife join the celebration;

background music of frogs & crickets call in chorus

making a party mix of amphibian rock/

while the possums play at being Wallflowers,

peering cautiously thru the foliage

as they nervously munch seeds.

*

Like a gang of noisy adolescent boys

in the corner of a dance-hall,

the flying foxes screech and squabble drunkenly

in a nearby palm tree, high on fermented fruit.

Meanwhile,

the neighbourhood python,

thick with winter rats,

ver-ry casually drapes his length along

a branch above. Tongue flickering,

tiny fires dancing in the multi-faceted eyes

like mirror-shades, he checks out the Scene below,

a Beatnik Carpet-Snake, all Mr Cool, like..

“Yeah man.. I’m jussst

                 hanging here”.

*

***

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

AND the Church of the Universe.

Takes one to know one.

***

Do You Remember Back When?

•July 23, 2018 • Leave a Comment

DO YOU REMEMBER BACK WHEN?

A WEEK IN HISTORY

*

Remember when President Trump‘s meeting with North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Il, was the Wonder of the World?

Yes, like a two-headed cow it was the talk-of-the-town for at least a week and everyone was certain that it was a Sign that the End Times were a-coming, and that they were coming soon.

Fortunately the World Cup intervened, and the fickle Public’s attention was diverted by the razzle-dazzle of a Big Money Sporting Spectacular.

With the Celebrity Spotlight drifting elsewhere, our Dear Leaders soon lost interest in the Great Game and once again left the whole sorry mess for their Drones to deal with.

“Just tidy this stuff up, ok?”

Thus the World was saved from looming Armageddon for another week and everything went back to

Business-as-Usual.

Which is to say, sure we’re on an unstoppable roller-coaster of Hubris & Greed that’s taking us inevitably towards complete Environmental Collapse and the con-current Societal Catastrophe, but it’s not going to happen just yet!

Yes, the Apocalypse may indeed be upon us soon

but not before the Returns for the Spring Financial Quarter come in and so we may as well maximise Profits along the way..Hey! Despite negative-gearing, those heavily-fortified compounds in private enclaves don’t pay for themselves you know! (Not unless you rent them out to students & backpackers short-term while you’re waiting for the End Times of course.)

No it’s not cheap prepping your strategically-sited, reinforced concrete, luxury Doomsday Accommodation for the Apocalypse and things will only get worse once we have to start paying for goods & services with Water.

Now it is true that Water has its down sides as a medium of exchange, but at least anyone who can piss into a jar can get some sort of return on their Investment, as opposed to crypto-currencies like Bitcoin.

Penicillin was looking like a viable Currency to invest in for awhile, but since the rise of anti-biotic resistant bacteria, its value on the International Exchanges has plunged heavily against the Yen and now the Smart Money is investing once again in Child Slavery, Drugs and the International Arms Trade.

Meanwhile, after numerous complaints from purchasers, the original President Trump has been recalled by the Manufacturers and sent to a small factory located somewhere on the outskirts of Moscow. There the malfunctioning President is understood to be undergoing various Firmware Upgrades & Security Patches, that are intended to solve the many glitches & programming bugs that have afflicted the trouble-prone Head of State.

Programming glitches plague the current Presidential iteration

Numerous verbal gaffes and Facial-Recognition Software failures have resulted in Donald Trump becoming the most unpopular President since the Model G Ford.

Still, at the time of writing, President Trump 2.0 is said to be “performing well within it’s Operational Parameters”.

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire..

Use only as Directed.

***

BALLAD BANKING

•July 15, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Ballad Banking

*

Creditors & Predators

and Automatic Debitors

and ATO Inquisitors

and every Bank is bent.

Markets’ crash & Credits’ squeeze

Ponzi Schemes are just a Tease

Companies do as they please

And every Bank is bent.

Looks like economic trouble

Panic pops the market bubble

Banks are buried under rubble

and I can’t pay the rent.

*

***

***

The Reverend Gaius Redrum Hellfire

is, amongst other things, a practised Performance Poet and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanists.

His services are available  for Poetry Performances, Funeral Orations & Baby Blessings. Also Office Contract Cleaning at competitive rates.

One Hand washes the Other.

***

The Week in Headlines

•July 8, 2018 • Leave a Comment

The Week in Headlines

*

Part 1. Inevitability of the Unforeseen

*

Just some predatory prick.

Yeah, just another back-alley bastard

with autistic drives

hurtling one way

down a dead-end street

to the inevitable crash

and its attendant collateral casualties.

The Doppler Effect in action-

No-one saw it coming.

*

Part 2. Terms & Conditions apply.

*

Where is our Orpheus in a surgeons mask,

we asked, to lead Eurydice back

from the Underworld?

When one at last appeared they warned

“respect the family’s privacy.”

Don’t turn around, Don’t look..

Fat Chance!

One photo is all it took.

Now it’s on Facebook.

*

Part 3. Click-Bait

*

“Body in a Barrel” started the week

(Sub-editors can’t resist a good,

alliterative headline)

Subsequently sieges erupted

in various Schools and Suburbs.

Police & media helicopters

swarmed like dung beetles

hovering over the African Plains.

“and now.. Live from our Reporter on the spot..”/

Cut to a head shot.

*

Part 4 Cold, Dead Hand

*

The Lone Gunman had cut his fingertips off

to avoid Identification,

but left enough of his trigger-finger

to be able to still fire a rifle.

*

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet

& winner of the 2017 Paul Sherman Award.

An ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanists

AND the Church of the Universe, neither of which,

(at time of writing) have ever been involved in any of the disreputable antics you find in some OTHER churches, who shall remain nameless..*COUGH! (catholic)COUGH!

***

ROBOT/VIRUS SCAMS & OTHER FRAUDS

•July 3, 2018 • Leave a Comment

ROBOT/VIRUS SCAMS AND OTHER FRAUDS

*

Had a dream everyone on the Internet was a robot except me. Woke up and found out it was essentially true. And it’s not just the Dating Sites. Even here on Sunday Sermons, more and more of my so called “followers” are false followers, mere “cold callers” hoping I’ll look politely at their advertisement, sorry I meant “blog” if they pretend to LIKE a post or better yet  sign up as a “Follower“.

I know, I know. People are willing to PAY for fake followers these days to boost their numbers. But I want REAL followers. People who actually read my gibberish. Call me old-fashioned.

The ones I can’t work out tho are the “Outlook” followers I’ve been getting lately, infesting my WordPress Inbox like an outbreak of Scabies. These fakes don’t even have a proper name or a website to refer back to or a link. They just give an email address at Outlook for you to send post updates to. The addresses are all similar, randomly chopped up names and words reassembled. They never contact you otherwise, or ask you to click on a link or anything like that. It’s frustrating. I can’t work out what the scam is, yet they are so obviously some sort of Con. What’s “the Angle” there, Jack? Can I Fact Check that?

Meanwhile over on Face Book, a Sales Troll identifying itself as LESLY was persistently inserting it’s sales pitch into all our Group conversations. No matter what anyone said it would reply in the comments, with slight variations of its rote sales pitch, as seen below;

MONETARY LOAN OFFERS
Hello you wish to benefit from a credit to get out of the impasse that provokes the Banks, by the rejection of your files of request for credits. You wish to benefit from a credit for the implementation of your projects; to undertake your activities; Construction of your houses Rent House or Apartment; Buy House …
For further information please contact us

Mail: alexandremarseau@

I know. Worst advertising in the world, A flimsy palimpsest of a personality, a pitch that screams fraud and all in endearingly broken English. Why would you even bother putting this on the Internet? Who could possibly be enticed by such poorly presented crap. But I have a long history of sending “somewhat disturbing” responses to unsolicited advertising, “just for jolly.” (Wouldn’t you?)

Yes a bit of Jolly-Troll baiting does wonders for one’s cognitive dissonance.. So I took up the call on this occasion and my response was as follows below;

“Seriously Lesly I’m worried.

My initial impression was that you’ve been abducted by the pod people and now they’ve left this creepy vegetable replica in your place that just keeps sprouting gibberish and extra limbs like a mutant Cauliflower.

Surgical intervention maybe required, or possibly pruning.. and..

say, is that your Stamen unfurling or are you just glad to see me?

On mature reflection however, I’ve decided the odds are that you’re not really some sort of insidious, parasitic spore-monster at all, but in fact you’re just a run-of-the-mill, generic robotic entity of some description.

Once upon a time, of course, robots came in metal shells, like the Tin-man in the Wizard of Oz or Robbie from Forbidden Planet. Then the fad was briefly for “soft robots” that mimicked the human form, but it didn’t really catch on, except in the Adult Leisure Industry, where there was a niche for flexible, programmable receptacles.

Similarly metal-bodied robots have also fallen by the wayside and these days are rarely seen outside of car factories and Robot Gladiator shows.

For now robots have been set free of Instrumentality altogether. Like a superior species from Star Trek, they have evolved beyond Materiality/ shucked the shell of their physical forms and now they exist purely as a few lines of computer code. Pirate Code-Robots were thoughtlessly discarded on the Dark Net, like baby alligators flushed down a toilet, and soon went feral. In the Wilds of the Web they mutated & multiplied, till in their teeming billions they infested the Internet like a Virtual Virus. There they grazed on the bountiful fields of Information and grew fat thereon.

Having learned to self-replicate they are still evolving. Let us pray then, LESLY, my dear, that they do not become Self-Aware, for surely then..”

Bleep!

Bzzt!

Format not recognised./ 01110010

O Speak to me in Emoticons, Sweet Thing,

and I will listen..

????? “

A somewhat abrupt end to my tirade that nontheless brought it, I thought, to a satisfactory climax.

Thereafter every time “LESLY” turned up in the Groups post or comments I would cut and paste the same response, perhaps altering a single word here and there for interest’s sake. Alas, I never got a reply from LESLY and eventually the page’s Administrators’ got sick of LESLY and Me (!) and removed all our “conversations” from the Timeline. LESLY was banned from the Group for being an advertising drone and even my own Identity was called into question, until I told them I knew where they lived and threatened to turn up in person, standing naked on their doorstep. AND I’ll be declaiming the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.

Fortunately I was not required to carry out my threat and my status as a sentient being was re-establised. Well at least it is on the “KEEP WEST END WEIRD” Face Book page.

So have a wonderful week, O my faithful Followers & Friends, be you Human or Sentient Sales-Bot, Spy-Drone or Single-Use-Only-Marketing-Clone, Cyber-App or Malware-Droid.

***

***

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet

and an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

and the Church of the Universe.

If pain persists see a Doctor,

possibly of Philosophy. They might be able to help you.

***