UFO- A Tale of High Weirdness


UFO – A Tale of High Weirdness

I received an unexpected phone call the other day from my old comrade, Dr Bob. We’d kind of fallen out of touch over the years so I was surprised he even had my number. My surprise grew even more however when, without the usual-hi-how-are-you-long-time-no-see-etc preamble he launches into:

Have you had any neck and shoulder pain lately?”

I laughed bitterly, for as it happened he was right. For the last month or so I had been crippled by ongoing neck pain. I had been forced to cut back on my work hours and was scheduled to have a CT scan the following week. The pain was no doubt the result of old traumas (it’s been a rough life) but how had Dr Bob known of my situation? I hadn’t seen him for over a year, or indeed any of our mutual acquaintances. With a sinking feeling, I could sense my day slipping into High Weirdness.

I also already had a fair premonition of the direction this conversation was going to dive, even before the good Dr asked his next question:

You know that night?..How much do you remember?”

Oh yes dear reader, I knew what night he meant.

It was a night over ten years ago now, near the turn of the Century in fact, and Dr Bob and I were driving thru the darkened Australian countryside in the small hours of the morning, looking for a secret dance party or Doof, as they were called. As is the way of these things, the directions were purposefully obscure and we had got lost, ending up driving along a nameless and apparently endless dirt road.

Then the car started having trouble, intermittently choking and losing power.

We came to a fork in the road, and despite the risk of not being able to start the car again, we stopped for awhile to see if we could hear the party or see its lights somewhere in the distance.

It was a dark moonless night in the bush, with only the occasional cloud and the stars were out in their millions. There was no farmhouse near, no car. Not a dog barked, not a cow mooed. Even the cicadas were silent. We were utterly alone. We were nowhere near the party. Far away on the eastern rim of the sky we could see the faint glow of the faraway city we had left.

While we were standing there lost in thought, I noticed what appeared to be a Satellite tracking through the sky.

“Ha! Sputnik!,”I joked and pointed at the steadily travelling light. Then, as we both looked, it did a very un-satellite thing: it suddenly swerved in a kind of snake-like movement, leaving a little feathery trail of sparks as it did so.

We had just enough time to both say simultaneously, “Did you see that?” when it did it again, that same serpentine swerve and apparent trail of sparks.

Then it slowed till it just stopped dead in its tracks and pretended to be a star for awhile. It seemed to change colour too from a blue-white to a yellow-white. There was no sound of any engine, or indeed any sound. I believe if there was any sound emitted we would have heard it, because at one stage while we watched, a light plane flew over the other end of the broad shallow valley we were in, and we could hear its faraway engine clearly.

After the plane had gone, we watched the light a few minutes longer. Then I realised the car was pointing towards it, so we decided to get in the car and try and signal to it with our headlights. The internal light had been on all this time because the doors were open.

Anyhoo, sitting in the car I gave three long blasts with the headlights on hi-beam.

Damn me if the thing didn’t turn orange and pulse back three times as if in answer.

Pulse. Pulse. Pulse.

Again the simultaneous,”Ok..you saw that, right?

So I repeated the experiment. I hit the headlight three times.

Flash. Flash. Flash.

Back comes the response.

Pulse. Pulse. Pulse.

Then the light started getting larger, like it was getting closer.

At this stage panic set in.

The realisation that we were all alone in the middle of nowhere with a mysteriously looming light swiftly dimmed the desire to make contact. I quickly killed all the lights and there we sat in the darkness rigid with fear.

It’s at this point in the story that Dr Bob’s recollection of events and mine diverge. Up to here we are in complete concurrence as to all details and the order in which they occurred. 

Now, as I recall, without our lights to guide it the object seemed to recede. I gunned the engine and we took off in the dark, driving without headlights till we got some way down the road.

Sometime just before dawn we finally found the party, lurking at the bottom of an abandoned quarry, the seeping blue light lending the boulder strewn landscape an eery, primeval atmosphere. It was hard to talk to anyone after our strange encounter though, we felt disconnected from the other people there. The party was winding down anyway, so as the sun came over the horizon we headed back, the good Dr sleeping fitfully in the passenger seat.

At home there were already lunatics sitting on my lawn waiting for me to solve their problems. In no mood for pastoral care, I delegated Dr Bob to deal with them and by the time I got out of the shower they had all conveniently disappeared. But sadly, Doctor Bob and I had no chance to discuss the night’s events over a civilised cup of tea.

A couple of weeks later, rumours started to reach my ear, that I had been abducted by aliens.

“Ah, Chinese whispers at work”, I thought indulgently, “how these tales do grow in the telling.”

So I rang the Doctor to amuse him with a report of how our encounter was growing on the grapevine.

But he already knew about the stories. He was the one telling them.

Not only that, he believed the stories were true. Really believed. 

According to Dr Bob, the events as I’ve related them to you are correct up to the point where the light has responded to our signals for the second time, and then starts getting larger as though approaching. My friend maintains that the light in fact did not recede but continued to get larger until it was hovering right overhead.

At this point the light resolved into the form of some sort of artificial craft. We were apparently both paralysed by something. Humanoid creatures then appeared and led us away. Dr Bob says they separated us and doesn’t know where they took me. He recalls some sort of interaction with our captors afterwards, but has never clearly related to me what exactly happened then. Later we are taken back to the car. He doesn’t remember seeing them leave, just that they were suddenly gone. All communications during the incident were of course telepathic.

My friend is absolutely adamant all this occurred as he related. The fact that I remember none of this he explains away by saying they tried to wipe our memories of the incident. Parts of his memories are blank also, he maintains, but clearly the process wasn’t entirely successful in his case.

Despite my disbelief, Dr Bob has persistently and consistently maintained his story of our abduction by aliens for over ten years now.


Needless to say I have trouble accepting Dr Bob’s version of events.

Not least because I was there and I have absolutely no recall of any such alien contact. I’m resistant to hypnotism and I find it difficult to believe that my memories of a single event can just be removed like that. While I accept that in theory you could develop some sort of EMR technique to wipe memory in a crude way, such a technique wouldn’t be able to target a specific memory, whole swathes of the memory store would have to be affected. You’d notice the huge chunks of your memory gone missing. I just don’t have that problem, the past I can recall in all too clear detail.

But there are other unsettling aspects to the tale.

The car was never the same afterwards. I took it to to various mechanics, none of whom were ever able to get it running properly or even explain what was wrong, fruitlessly replacing large chunks of the engine to no avail.

And the ongoing co-incidences. For example,about a year later I found myself thinking about that night. So I decided to ring Dr Bob, who I hadn’t seen for some months, and get him to drive out with me to the site of our encounter and we could hang around there and see if we could see anything interesting. Maybe question the locals, find out if there were other sightings in the area.

So I rang. “The Doctor is not here,” I was told, “he’s gone out to the bush to look for UFO‘s.”

Of course.

The Doctor and I also learnt never to speak of our mysterious encounter when we were in the car together. To do so invariably brought on the recurring engine trouble! On one notable occasion we were going to yet another doof late at night a couple of years later. As soon as we started talking about that damn UFO the engine sputtered and died again. We weren’t abducted by aliens that night but we did get the worst lift of my life, with a psychotic who seemed set to kill us both if we’d betrayed the least sign of fear. But he’s another story.

So the years drifted by and now, out of the blue and dizzy sky, Dr Bob has reappeared with pin-point synchronicity to tell me that the recurring neck pains gnawing at me even as we spoke are caused by the Alien implants in my cervical vertebra. He has an implant too of course. It was one of those blanked out bits but now he’s remembered.

This is not reassuring news. Indeed in my weakened state it was enough to induce a certain level of paranoia. What if he’s right?! What if THEY have tampered with my mind and I can’t remember. Could it be true? How did he know about the pain?

As I grappled with these thoughts the Doctor was asking me if my life had been, well..normal since that night. I gave another bitter laugh.

“My life has never been normal..please remember who your talking to.”

He disregarded me and went off on another tangent. There was ‘something else’. Some previously repressed traumatic memory about that night.

He’d never been able to tell anyone before but now he just had to speak to me about it. I was the only one he could tell. Here he paused hesitantly before revealing the terrible truth.

Yes, yes, I thought impatiently, what is this terrible forbidden memory?

But there was only silence.

The line was dead. 

I waited but he never rang back. He hadn’t given me his new number or address. I tried all my old numbers for him to no avail. I sent out emails and feelers through the old friend network and waited to hear.

Meantime I wondered. Why hadn’t he phoned back? He had something it seemed he wanted urgently to say. He sounded worried and scared. Had THEY got him?

What if it was all true, that my mind had been wiped and we had been the victims of cruel, inhuman experiments. And who were THEY anyway? Aliens from another world? Beings from a different dimension? Some ultra-secret American military conspiracy? Nazi’s from a hollow earth?

My mind reeled at the myriad of alternate realities set whirling around me if I accepted the Doctor’s story.

The internet was full of helpful suggestions. Apparently many people suffer from alien neck implants. There’s even a roaring trade in devices to remove alien implants. Unfortunately none of the ‘implants’ thus removed and subsequently shown on U-Tube looked very alien. Bits of glass and metal mainly. More like something someone had stood on and it worked its way into their skin. 

Eventually I got my cervical CT scan and happily the results failed to show any signs of alien implants in my neck. Just the sort of terrestrial trauma you get from a lifetime of falling from tall buildings and moving vehicles.

I also eventually managed to discover the whereabouts of the good Doctor, lurking, my informants informed me, in some dingy slum-Fortress of Solitude on the edges of suburbia. Despite his constant paranoia THEY have not come to get him, yet. Apparently THEY do interfere with his phone line however. The Doctor earnestly confided to my informant that whenever he attempts to talk about these subjects on the phone, the line mysteriously goes dead. He’s convinced he’s being monitored by hostile forces.

Call me a coward, but despite my concern for my old friend,

I haven’t been to see him yet. I guess I’m just not looking forward to finishing that conversation about our strange experience. One of us is very wrong about the reality of what happened that night. At its simplest reduction, either I’m living in a delusional world of denial or my friend has been driven to the brink of paranoia and madness by what we saw. Neither is a reality that I’m comfortable with.


Seen “something strange” in the sky? Share it with the Rev.! He wont laugh at you like the Others.



The Reverend Hellfire is a practising Performance Poet and an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanists AND the Church of the Universe.

We shall not see his like again!



~ by reverendhellfire on March 11, 2012.

8 Responses to “UFO- A Tale of High Weirdness”

  1. Not a bad little story! I’ve lived all my life in Australia, but I’ve never heard of a ‘doof’, but then maybe I’m just an ignorant octogenarian. I’ve never seen a UFO, ,despite years as an astronomer and also a pilot.

  2. What I don’t understand is why it has to be one way or the other. Reality is just a perception, our perception of an experience. Fact is we will never know the truth. The truth is too complicated for us to truly understand because there are millions of perceptions within one experience.

  3. Strange how Aliens always leave you in a state indistinguishable from those achievable through terrestrial events, activities or self inflicted state of mind changes. Rather like all the gods that never do anything really impressive like simultaneously taking over every TV station to announce the end of their reticence to reveal themselves. Go back a few hundred years and it was demons doing the abducting. They took the short, inter-dimensional route avoiding the need to build faster than light spacecraft.

    • And lets not forget all those peasants abducted by “the fair folk” back in the olde country, oh and of course Rip-van-winkle. All those cases had some Time manipulation/distortion as one of the standard tropes.
      UFO’s the latest remake of an old classic?

  4. […] (link; https://reverendhellfire.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/ufo-a-tale-of-high-weirdness/) […]

  5. […] https://reverendhellfire.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/ufo-a-tale-of-high-weirdness/ […]

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