The Red Reverend

The Devil’s Secret 

I dreamed that I was the Devil’s servant, and working for him quite happily in the dark, stone palace with its endless, torch lit corridors that was our home. Outside it was always night and a lightning-racked storm eternally howled in the dark vaults of the sky.

But I was the His faithful man and as I say, serving him quite happily till it happened that by chance I came to learn

the Devil’s terrible Secret.

Now when I say “by chance” it is true that I had been listening at keyholes and thumbing thru my Master’s Diaries, but in doing so I was guilty of no more than conscientiously carrying out my duties as a

loyal servitor of Hell. Indeed, the Devil himself commended me on the thoroughness of my betrayal when I confronted him with my discovery.

For I had learned that long ago that Arch-Rebel, my Master, the Devil, had despaired at last of Rebellion and wearied of ruling Hell with its quarrelsome occupants. So it was he arranged a secret meeting with the Creator and there begged God to overlook the Past and allow him re-admission to the City of Light. He called for Reconciliation and, like a true lawyer, cited the case of the Prodigal Son as Article, By-law and Precedent.

“Alright,” God had smiled slyly, “Verily, You shall be re-admitted to the City of Light.. but not now, the Fullness of Time. For now it’s Our Little Secret, and in the meantime I want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. I want people to think its Business as Usual, but really you’ll be working for Me and reporting back to Me.

That way I can keep an eye on the Trouble makers and You can do little jobs for me now and then. Sometimes people need a little push to get them to act in their own best interests.”

“You mean you want some muscle for the jobs too dirty to be associated with the oh so High and Mighty’s Name.” the Devil had sneered sardonic.

“I prefer to think of it as using Evil to do Good in spite of itself,”

God had purred, smiling serenely.

“Oh God! I’d forgotten how smug you are,” groaned the Devil, “Don’t try and kid me this is anything but subcontracting out the dirty work.”

“Oh Come on,” God coaxed, “it’ll be like Old Times working together again. Remember the Job job? Tough old bastard but he cracked at last!”

“They always do, “the Devil here allowed himself

a small smile of professional satisfaction,

“Oh alright, I’ll do it. Heh, I must admit I’m looking forward to seeing the looks on the Rubes’ faces on Judgment day when they work out what the Score is.”

“That’s the Holy Spirit” God had said.



And now I knew the Truth! Our Leader had betrayed the very Rebellion he himself had started and was playing a double game. Surely the Senate and citizens of Hell would rise in revolt at the news if they knew! Angrily I confronted my renegade Master.

“Traitor! Liar!” I thundered.

He accepted the charges without demur.

“Come now,” he smiled suavely, “I am the Devil after all. Liar and Traitor are part of the job description really. And by the way, jolly good job in spying out my Secret, young man. You’re an inspiration and role model for prying, treacherous servants everywhere.”

“Thank you my Lord,” I stammered, and here I must admit

I blushed with pride at his praise, “but you have jeopardised the very Rebellion against Heaven itself! I feel I really must report your conduct to the Senate. There will need to be a Commission of Inquiry, and of course several sub-committees and possibly a focus-group or two. No doubt there will be Invesigations leading to possible criminal or civil charges and calls to set up a caretaker administration until the High Council can call a general plebescite or..”

“Yes, well..,” the Devil here yawned and interrupted , “Hell’s bureaucrats grind slow but they grind exceedingly fine I’m sure.

But none of that will be necessary.. The Truth is.. I have deliberately mislead you. Yes, the diary entries which you read I faked and carefully placed for you to find. I wanted to see whether you had the intelligence to discover the facts and the courage to confront me. It seems you have, so I think you have earned the right to know the Awful Truth!

And the awful Truth is.. that the pleasant conversation between God and the Devil of which you read, never took place, for the simple reason that there is no Devil.”

I gaped like a slack jawed yokel at the incomprehensible notion.

“Yes I’m even more of a fake than you’ve been led to believe. The “Devil” is really just one of the many forms I use in my work. All this time I’ve been lying to you.”

“Then.. who are you really” I gasped.

Now the Devil’s familiar face took on the form of Joseph Stalin.

“For Behold young man,” said the figure of Stalin, “I am God your Creator! No need to get on your knees, this is an informal interview.”

“Liar” I shrieked,”show me your true form!”, and picking up a heavily jewelled goblet from the desk, I hurled it viciously at the former soviet dictator. He ducked and chuckled as it smashed against the stone wall.

“Manners, young man! That was a priceless family heirloom,” lectured the apparition of Mother Theresa.

Bitch!,”I hissed, “who ARE you? Show yourself! Stop playing games.”

“I like games..”said the Figure before me, who was now flipping through faces like a gambler shuffling through a new deck.

“Pick a card..any card, “the protean form before me called..

!? faster and faster he me shifted shape and appearance. No sooner had a familiar face appeared than it was succeeded by another till at last the changes occurred so rapidly that all I could discern was a bewildering blur..


But at last the figure before me wore but a single face and lo, it was the face of George Bush Senior, former President of the United States, and this being a dream, it was with Certainty that I knew in my heart that this at last was indeed the true face of God.

George’s tanned face crinkled into a smile and he winked jovially.

“Don’t worry young’s all Ok! You’re with the Good guys now! Yep, you’re on the Winning Team! Say, “he said, craning his head around on his wizened old turtle neck, ” have you met my son yet?”

george Bush and Heavenly Angels


travel bug Wtitle



The Reverend Hellfire is a recovering Performance Poet and an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism AND the Church of the Universe.

He has the body of a young boy and the heart of a three thousand year old reptile



~ by reverendhellfire on April 21, 2013.

4 Responses to “THE DEVIL’S SECRET”

  1. An amusing tale! The ending surprised me; not what I might have expected. That’s a good thing, of course. Gods and devils are very weird human constructs…

  2. Good show, my lad AKA The All Masterful Reverend Hellfire of wisdom…

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