SEARCH FOR REV WIDENS! Mystery Blonde Questioned!


UFOs, bloody cult rituals, corporate assassins, mysterious femme fatales, an industrial relations dispute.. what is the true story lying behind the recent disappearance of the Reverend Hellfire?

laughing wendy




Mystery Blonde questioned

over “Missing Minister”!



Sources close to the Investigation into the disappearance of

beloved poet, performer and Paganistic Prophet, Reverend Hellfire, revealed today that a “Mystery Blonde” seen with the Reverend shortly before his disappearance, had been called in for questioning.

The woman in question has been identified as Wendy Seary,

a nightclub chanteuse formerly associated with such notorious underground “rock” groups as “Pineapples from the Dawn of Time“, “SPANK” and “Loves-A-Blur.”

It has also been confirmed that she is currently singing for a band with the suspiciously eldritch name of “CTHULHU“.


Investigators believe the band’s name reflects Mz Seary’s position as on office holder in the upper echelons

of the Deagon-Deviation branch of the secretive

Church of Starry Wisdom“.

The CSW has long been suspected of being a front for the hideous Cthulhu Cult, whose loathsome and degraded practices have been suppressed in every decent, civilised society.

The Reverend has been a steadfast and public opponent of the Cthulhu Cult in the past and as a result has received numerous anonymous threats and warnings to: “Be Silent or Die“.

Some now fear that the Reverend himself may have ended up as a human sacrifice to the “Great Old Ones”, in one of the Cult’s loathesome and bloody rituals.

ugly mudmask


Enigmatic Personal Assistant Linda Loop

Enigmatic Personal Assistant Linda Loop arrives at the Inquiry.

Also questioned today was the Rev’s Personal Assistant, the strangely enigmatic Linda Loop, who, in a touching, if naive display of employee loyalty, steadfastly maintained

her belief in the Reverends survival.

“I’m sure”, She said coyly, “that even if someone,

say..ooh, a disgruntled employee with a grudge,

had drugged him, transported his unconscious body in the roomy boot of something like a a 71 Chrysler for example and

were to have left him naked, gagged,

blindfolded and bound to a tree in dense rainforest,

he will probably have managed to gnaw

his way thru the ropes, and is even now limping,

bruised and naked, towards civilization.

He’s a cunning little monster so I wouldn’t be surprised

if he’s even managed to clothe himself by now

from someone’s clothes hoist.”

“Of course all this is just speculation“, she purred demurely,

“but I’m sure that, if such were the case,

should he survive the experience,

future employer/employee relations

will be conducted on a much firmer basis

of mutual understanding and respect“.

Laughing 3 suspects


But in other developments,

suggestions have been made to the ongoing Investigation,

that the Reverend may have been kidnapped by Aliens

from another world.

It’s January 2001 all over again!

a long time associate of the Reverend,

the respected chemical engineer known

only as “Dr Bob” asserted, “They came back for him..

I knew They would.. it was only a matter of Time..

he shouldn’t have removed the implant..

They don’t like it when you do that!”

The Doctor is believed to be referring to a mysterious incident that occurred in January 2001 in dense bushland, when he and the Reverend were witnesses to a UFO Close encounter

whilst searching for an earlier Doof west of Ipswich. 

The Reverend has written of this experience himself


in the Sunday Sermons column, and of dealing with the consequences following that Incident, including

 the detection and removal of Alien implants.

“The circumstances are just too similar

to the previous incident”, Dr Bob told investigators,

“It can’t just be co-incidence..

I believe The Reverend has been abducted and is no longer on this planet.”

While the new lead is not being actively pursued at this time,

Authorities have detained Doctor Bob and placed him in a secure facility for further observation and testing.

Docktor Bob's rendition of the Mystery UFO of 2001

Docktor Bob’s rendition of the Mystery UFO of 2001


Who is the mystery woman seen with blonde Cult Priestess Wendy Seary? Is the lobster a "ritual object" of worship?

Who is the mystery woman seen here with blonde Cult Priestess Wendy Seary? Is the lobster a “ritual object” of Cult Worship?

Yet to be identified by the Investigation into the Reverend Hellfire’s disappearance, is a third “mystery woman” seen in his company at a “Bush-Doof” in the early hours of July 13.

The dreadlocked “Third Woman“, is said to be of a somewhat feral appearance but, “very friendly” in manner.When last spotted she apparently had a lion entangled in her dreadlocks.

Mourning Loved Ones have urged her

to step forward and share with investigators

any information she may have

on the Reverend’s movements in his last hours.


I was worried that Miley's sweet, simple nature would be corrupted by the Music Industry

The Heir to the Cyrus Trusts’ Weapons-Systems and Entertainment-Ventures Conglomerate, now said to be worth  Billions, became “Mrs Miley Hellfire” at a secret Balinese Wedding.

In a startling development, Investigators in

the “Case of the Missing Reverend”

today interviewed Senior Executives representing

the powerful Cyrus Trust Foundation,

the multi-billion dollar,

Entertainment and Small-Arms Manufacturing Corporation.

In the weeks before his disappearance, the Reverend was at the centre of a Media Frenzy over revelations of his secret Balinese Wedding to notorious pop celebrity Miley Cyrus,

heir to the Cyrus Billions.

A recent injunction by lawyers representing the Cyrus Trust, to prevent Reverend Hellfire from publishing his reminiscences of his time together with the troubled young Popstar, is currently before the courts, and sources speculate that the high-profile case may lie behind the controversial religious leader’s disappearance.

“There’s millions resting on this case”,

one anonymous phone-informant told the Sunday Sermons Office, “Its very convenient for the Trust

that he’s disappeared just Now. A little too convenient

if you know what I mean.

It’s cheaper for the Cyrus Trust

to arrange for an ‘Irritant’ to have an ‘accident’

than to have to settle with them out of court”.

“Oh Man.. the Trust!” our informant whispered furtively

before abruptly hanging up,

“you don’t want to fuck with those way! 

Last known photo of the Reverend on Tambourine Mountain

Last known photo of the Reverend on Tambourine Mountain


2 WRONGS w Title


tai chi hand

The Reverend Hellfire was a practising Performance Poet,

an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism and the Church of the Universe,

as well as President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.

Absinth maketh the heart grow blonder.



~ by reverendhellfire on July 20, 2014.

2 Responses to “SEARCH FOR REV WIDENS! Mystery Blonde Questioned!”

  1. Ms Wendy is also the mayor of deagon

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