A relieved Rescue Team share a joke with a now apparently blind Reverend Hellfire

A relieved Rescue Team share a joke with a now apparently blind Reverend Hellfire

Reverend Rescued!

Church bells sounded across the land today in token of Thanks

as the electric news spread of the discovery and recovery

of the missing firebrand preacher and poet, the Reverend Hellfire, whose mysterious disappearance these past two weeks has sent shudders of speculation rippling thru three continents..

Discovered in the roomy boot of an associates 71 Chrysler,

the severely dehydrated and disoriented Reverend

was whisked away by his team

prior to the gruelling round of speaking engagements

that had been booked in his absence, pending his anticipated return..

Explaining exactly how it was that the Reverend was not discovered previously in the intervening two weeks, the vehicles owner,

MZ Seary blithely informed Sunday Sermons that;


“Driving an old Chrysler around

you get used to hearing strange

bumping and knocking sounds,

and yes, even the occasional scream

or muffled groan.

You just start to ignore the odd

little mechanical noises after awhile.

On this occasion I naturally assumed

that the Reverend’s heartrending pleas for water

were merely the carburettor acting up again.”


The 71 Chrysler in whose roomy boot the Reverend Hellfire was ultimately found.

The 71 Chrysler in whose roomy boot the Reverend Hellfire was ultimately found.

“Darkness. Then Light, then Darkness.”

The joy of the Reverend’s discovery is tempered only by the horror of rumours that all that remain of his formerly piercing eyes are burnt out sockets!

Though aides remain tight-lipped, these disturbing rumours are apparently confirmed by the only known picture of the Reverend since his return.

WE still don’t know the full story,” one minor Aide

on the edge of the Inquiry confided on condition of anonymity,

after $20 was passed under the counter,

” ..But the Reverend now only speaks and answers questions

phrased in the ancient Aramaic language,

and frankly, Google-Translator isn’t worth shit

when it comes to dead-languages

“We’re getting someone up from Canberra to translate but until that time we still can’t explain what happened.

..all we have to go on are the words

we found scrawled in red lipstick

on the inside of the roomy boot where he was confined.”

Sunday Sermons are told the writing says:

“Darkness.. then Light. Then Darkness.”

His Personal Assistant has apparently

identified the handwriting as being indentical to

that of the Reverend.

Speculation is rife that the Reverend H. was blinded

from staring at the sun for many hours

whilst high on LSD, as users of that scheduled narcotic

are habitually said to do..


“They’re like moths with the bright light,” said someone who identified themselves as, “Sheryl”, when we rang renowned “Alcohol and Drug” Counselling Service, “Drug Arm”,

for further information.

“All LSD users are drawn to bright lights

and will remain staring at them for hours.

They usually follow the Moon at night

but this little fella probably got distracted by the city lights

on his annual migratory flight.

This time of year you often find them banged up

against the side of tall buildings with lots of lights.”


Has the Reverend been in touch with Powers from Above?

Has the Reverend been in touch with Powers from Above?

Other followers however believe that the Reverend’s blindness

is the result of receiving a Holy Vision,

too bright for mortal eyes to sustain

without receiving some physical injury,and that now,

like the legendary poet and prophet Tiresias,

he has been gifted by the gods with the gift of foreknowledge.

Likewise there is no doubt that, after death,

like Tiresias before him, the Reverend’s shade

will remain conscious and self-aware,

a lonely sentinel of sentience, striding proudly

amongst the numberless, nameless phantoms

who have forgotten everything they were.

Heir to the Cyrus Billions-Miley Cyrus.

Heir to the Cyrus Billions-Miley Cyrus.

Or maybe it was just a “friendly warning”

after all from the Cyrus Trust,

pressuring the Reverend to

renounce his wedding to pop sensation, Miley Cyrus.

Or Maybe Doctor Bob was right all along

and the Saucer People came back?

The answers at this stage are unclear.

Follow Sunday Sermons for future developments…

tai chi hand negative green button


beautiful JPIGreduced


And on right now if you’re in Brisburgh….

Kurilpa place setter for2014JUly W frame


tai chi hand strawberry circle

The Reverend Hellfire..

He’s back!!!



~ by reverendhellfire on July 27, 2014.

2 Responses to “REVEREND RESCUED!”

  1. I knew he was still alive. I saw him serving in a fish and chip shop in Southport, until the owner called the police.

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