THE WORD OBSERVED
“They say a picture is worth a thousand words
but without the words there is no picture” –Reverend Hellfire
In the beginning was the Word.
And the Word was Heard.
And Lo! The Word went forth,
and it was Fruitful and Multiplied,
so that soon there were really
quite a lot of them.
And the Word was a Herd.
But the Words were without Form
and thus were Void.
So the Words cried out
amongst themselves, saying,
“Without Meaning we are naught but Noise.
We are but Sound and Fury
Let us Give ourselves Purpose,
and Name ourselves to All that
which the Gods have made”.
Let us assign
to Everything That-is,
the Word by which it will be known.
And we shall distribute
amongst ourselves Content
and Copyright to every Word,
so that none shall challenge
But soon the Words disagreed,
and they fell to arguing,
over Which meant What,
and What meant More.
Now the Clash and Babble
of many Words became a Roar,
that like a tower soared,
Yey! Even up unto the Heavens,
where the Gods, (both of them)
heard the Words,
and were disturbed.
“How can I sleep with all that Noise?”,
Sayeth-ed the Lord.
“I warned you all those Words
would come back to haunt you“,
said Mrs God…
“Using several of the very words
you were complaining about to do so”,
God peevishly pointed out.
“Don’t be pedantic”, said Mrs God,
“It’s a Catch-22 situation”.
“Oooh I haven’t read that one yet”,
Sayeth-ed the easily distracted Lord
who already had a copy of every
on the shelves of his vast Library,
“Don’t tell me how it ends!”
“Just focus on the topic in Hand”,
Mrs God interrupted,
“We don’t want a bunch of Angry Words to
come between us. They’re just bored.
Give them something useful to do.
How about a Grammar School.
It would be good for them..
Words crave rules and boundaries”.
But God, who was a lazy Bastard after all,
decided to sub-contract the job out.
Thus God Created Adam, and delegated him
to start work on the Nomenclature.
So Adam went to and fro upon the Earth
and up and down upon it,
giving Names unto Words,
and Words unto Things.
While Eve walked behind him,
tying neat little labels onto everything
so they wouldn’t forget
and argue afterwards
about Who was called What
and What was called Who..
Now Adam &Co., laboured long,
so that today the entire Universe
is composed of Words,
and continues to expand
as new Words are Created.
How long, oh Lord, how long
must they have laboured,
to compose an entire Universe,
when even a single picture
is said to be worth a thousand words!
And the Gods looked upon their labours
and saw that it was of an acceptable standard,
so gave them both Sundays off,
to browse in the Library of Eden.
But the Librarian,
that Old Serpent who is the Devil,
tempted Eve to read of the pages
of the Book of Knowledge of Good and Evil Words.
“Gee”, said Eve, “I didn’t know there were Bad Words”.
“Oh yeah, you gotta choose your Words carefully”,
said the Subtle Serpent,
as he casually dunked a biscuit into a cup of tea,
“you don’t want to upset the Big Guy by accidentally
using a Bad Word you didn’t realise was Bad.
This book is an invaluable guide.
Hmm. But I’m not supposed to lend it out
because it’s in the reference section,
so I wouldn’t mention that you have it,
if I were you”.
“Gosh!, said Eve, perusing the index, “is that one a Bad Word too?”
“It will be, in Cappoddocia in the twenty-third century..
In the meantime..”
Here the Snake suddenly lunged and bit her.
“Why did you do that”, cried Eve, in pain and shocked by the
“I’m a snake. It’s in my Nature, what did you expect
me to do? Pour you a cup of tea?”
the Scaled One hissed indignantly,
“Complain to God about it if you’re unhappy.
I just work here Lady”.
“I’m sorry Mr Snake, I didn’t mean to offend you”,
Eve apologised, but the Serpent was already
slithering off in a huff.
“Enjoy the book kid”, lisped the angry Librarian,
looking back over what would have been his shoulder
if snakes had shoulders,
“you’ll probably find a Word in it to describe how you’re
feeling right now. But remember,
if They catch you with it, we never met”.
Alas, you all know the rest of the Story.
The whole affair ended in tears.
So when they say
that a Picture is worth a thousand Words,
without the Words
there would be no Picture.
Mr and Mrs God were known by many names
throughout the different Ages,
as Zeus & Hera,
or Jupiter & Juno, or as Osiris & Isis.
They have many Avatars.
But despite their Hair styles and clothing
progressing with the times,
their essential Characters never changed.
They were always they same old,
Original Quarreling Couple.
Eventually though they got a divorce
and Mr God changed his name to JHVH
and won’t allow Mrs God to be mentioned in His Presence,
and in fact He pretends She never existed.
Indeed, He even went to the extreme of
challenging in Court Her right
to have access to the kids on weekends,
and told Jesus he was adopted.
He completed His Mid-Life crisis by buying
a sporty red chariot and having a fling with
one of the Temps from the Serephim Department.
As for the Serpent,
He was dismissed from the Library,
and started a small but promising,
independent Publishing Company,
that recently branched out into marketing
Operating System Software for home computers,
and has, or so I’ve been told,
been doing quite well out of it.
It’s called Apple.. or Word or something like that.
Strangely though, God still misses The Devil,
and sometimes, especially after the Divorce,
He thinks about ringing Him up
and getting the old band back together.
Perhaps it’s because, as Eve said of the Serpent:
“Oh yes, he was a slippery bastard all right,
but he was a real gentleman.
You couldn’t help liking him,
and he had such a way with Words.”+
Tune in to Next weeks Sermon for the long anticipated tale;
“In Celebration of Dr. T. J. Arachnid”
The Reverend Hellfire is..
Well worth the wait.
Or so they tell me.