In which the Reverend contemplates todays political history-in-the-making and re-assures “New Australians” in the process..

tony abbots future

Good News Week


Like a diabetic slugging down Jumbo Squishies,

Australia this week was still reeling from the side-effects

resulting from the sugar surge of unaccustomed optimism

accompanying Malcolm Turnbull’s triumphant rise to power.

The Australian National Character tends to be pessimistic

at the best of times, (see the classic bush poem;

We’ll all be ruined” said Hanrahan

by John O’Brien

and the last three years of hate and fear under

Jo-Jo the Ratboy had not improved their outlook.

JoJo the Ratboy tries to form a smile

JoJo the Ratboy tries to form a smile

Yet all that has changed it seems and surely

our new “Beloved Leader” is right when he declares

that there has never been a more exciting time

to be a Billionaire Prime Minister in this country!

A smorgasbord of Opportunity,

he assures us, is there for the taking!

Australia lies before him like a ripe plum,

and he has but to stretch out his hand to pluck it.

Yes, it would be churlish not to feel happy

for this Golden Child of Fortune in his hour of Triumph,

so let us therefore wish him well

as he ascends to a glorious future

and his rightful place in history..

Colosseum Rome Italy Night

Likewise we note that Europe has also been flooded

with a veritable tidal wave of new Opportunity‘s recently,

that is, assuming you still believe in the philosophy that

there are no Problems..only Opportunities.”

(Following this thought a little further down the trail

we naturally come to the happy conclusion, that Syria must be

the fabled “Land of Opportunity” itself! Or possibly

it’s the country right next’s hard to be certain.

Frankly, International borders aren’t as clearly defined

as they used to be in that part of the world).


Of course, if you’re not

a muscular-positivist /Can-do sort of person,

then you’re probably like most normal people

and believe that Europe is completely fucked

and teetering on the edge of chaos. Which has kind of been it’s default setting for the last 2000 years.

The future of the stock exchange may also prove entertaining.

The future of the stock exchange may also prove entertaining.

Meanwhile back at the now deserted enclosure

of Jo-Jo the RATBOY,

(AKA former Prime Minister the right honourable Toby Abbott MHR)

head-keeper Petulina Cretlin

is still hosing down the faeces splattered walls..

“Toby was always very fastidious about marking his territory”,

she sighed..

“He was up at dawn every day..then’d he’d be off down the hall sniffing and spraying..if he picked up the scent of a rival he’d go nuts trying to cover it with layers of his own excrement..”

the feisty ex-staffer reminisced.

But soon the scent of Eu de Cologne and rare unguents

will be drifting not just from the humble Office of Telecommunications,

but from the Sanctum Sanctorum itself!

The befouled walls will be hidden behind priceless Gobelin Tapestries, the food will be served on the finest

Sheffield silverware, and our Beloved Leader’s beloved posterior will rest on exquisite Louie the XIV furniture.

There will be no more atavistic smearing of faeces

on walls and furniture. No, this is the dawn of a

more refined and cultured Age.

Which is why each day our new Prime Minister

will dutifully go out and dig a hole in the garden.

Now, there’s a good boy!

abbotts a cunt

And finally a Public Service Announcement

to reassure our new Australians who have just

stepped off the boat, and may have felt a little concerned

or apprehensive upon reading the Headlines

or articles contained in the newspapers

of their adopted home.

Don’t worry folks, it’s all ok. Really.


Despite anything you may have read to the contrary,

Australia has not been overthrown by a Coup de Etat.

There have been NO assasinations.

No-one was really stabbed in the back.

There were no knives.

There has been no bloodshed.

No-one died.

All that happened was the completely normal,

routine working of the Westminister System

of Parliamentry democracy.

There was a vote and a Prime Minister

lost the confidence of Parliament

and so was replaced by another elected representative

from the same party

who did have the numbers to form government.

Life went on. No rules were broken.

No conventions were ignored.

The system functioned as it should.

Further, despite the defeated factions whining

about Crisis, Chaos, Social Breakdown, etc.,

resulting from all the “Political Instability”

we’re supposedly undergoing,

I think what you’ll actually find,

if you open the door and step outside,

is that the buses are still running,

the banks are still open,

people are still turning up for work

and the shops are full of food and consumer trinkets.

The Big-Wheels of Industry are still turning

and the sky is full of birds.


In fact, despite all the fear-mongering

and scare-campaigns conducted by various wanna-be demagogues

and their lapdog media-hacks, who continually

assure us we’re doomed without strong leadership,

what they really fear

is that one day we’ll realise,

just how little we need them at all.

"Kiss my furry ass goodbye Abbott!"

“Kiss my furry ass goodbye Abbott!”


extreme gourmet swallowedJPIG


reverend profile red

The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc

and an ordained minister of the Church of Spiritual humanism

AND the Church of the Universe.

One day they’ll say,”That lunatic was right after all!”



~ by reverendhellfire on September 27, 2015.

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