U BreX it U Fixes it

Fresh from the polling booth, handing out How-to-Vote cards for the DRUG LAW REFORM PARTY, The Reverend Hellfire reflects on the World Political Scene. Well, on parts of it anyway..


U BreX it, U Fixes it

Ho Ho Ho. It is rare that politics provides the Reverend with such amusement. For a start there has been the spectacle of a mass wailing and gnashing of perfect political teeth this week,

as a majority of British voters defied the clear instructions of their Political Class Masters, and voted to exit the European Union.

This despite the many warnings they were given of Certain Doom and Apocalyptic End-times should they start playing silly buggers.

Britain after brexit

Now the Establishment & Mainstream Media is simply aghast trying to explain it away; Surely was all a mistake they gasp!

The Public didn’t really mean it, They were just sending a protest vote and it went too far! They were just ignorant or possibly lied to by Evil Ministers! It was just the Uneducated and Unemployed unexpectedly turning out in mass and spoiling things by voting, you know, unsuccessful people, not shiny new stock-brokers and merchant bankers and real estate pimps looking forward to a bright new European Future!

At one point the Media was actually starting to blame Old people for voting to leave and thereby stealing the Young’s Future, until it was noted that actually, most young Britons were so disengaged by the whole process anyway, that they didn’t bother to vote at all.

The ‘Remain’ Losers were loud in calling for a new referendum so they could continue to bully people into getting it right this time. Maybe if they shout more scary warnings?

Faced with the prospect of carrying out the voters wishes, the leading players in both major parties decided they’d rather publicly cut their own throats, and did so at the first opportunity.

Freshly victorious, Boris Johnson, for some reason decided to celebrate by cutting his throat and joining them on the growing and bloody pile of self-slain politicians.

Strangely no-one seemed keen to step up over the bodies and take their place on the Iron Throne to lead Britain into the Brave New Independent Future. When asked, every single Conservative Minister merely shuffled their feet, started whistling and avoided eye contact. The Labor shadow-ministry meanwhile, had already cut their own throats and couldn’t be contacted at all.

Perhaps unsurprisingly however, freshly jilted Europe announced, “So, who cares?! Go..Have another Referendum!” No, They wouldn’t take Britain back even if they grovelled, it was announced, so there!

That’s right, it’s all descended into cheap, Soap-Opera style melodrama. Europe’s feelings have been hurt, so the Brussels Bureaucrats are going to act like hissy little bitches and be all like:

“so when are you moving your things out of the Flat?”


“I want all my CD’s back and the Bond!”


Elsewhere, in a desperate display of attention seeking,

Scotland showed the depth of their recent commitment to remain part of Great Britain, by immediately announcing that they wanted to move out and live with Europe instead. Europe remained non-committal, not wanting to get trapped in a vicious custody battle in the courts. (We shouldn’t blame Scotland too much for their behaviour though-divorces are always hardest on the kids, and political adolescents just don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with these complex situations).


Meanwhile, the Stock market, fickle as always and prone to panic like penguins, retreated hastily back to the edge of the sea at first sign of trouble, but then sidled cautiously back to where they’d been standing in the first place, on the edge of a melting iceberg. Normal services have been resumed.

war in Europe

Back in the real world, the British Bookies Association, when asked how it was they got their pre-referendum predictions so wrong, apparently totally failing to predict the result, merely paused, smiled briefly, then resumed counting their money.

And the game goes on.

turnbull and shorten

Party Leaders Bill Shorten & Malcolm Turnbull scramble for the Gay vote

Finally it should be noted that on the other side of the globe down here in remote, insignificant Australia we had our own Federal Election, which, continuing the trend

again produced amusing results, though not, at time of writing, a Prime Minister or indeed anything approaching what career politicians like to refer to as “stable government“.

As I suspected would be the case, the Australian Public took a good hard look at both the main Parties and decided they didn’t trust either one with their Hands on the Controls without a supervising Adult in attendance at all times.

Hence, with unerring accuracy, the Australian Electorate has delivered a knife-edge scenario in the Lower House, with a handful of Independents holding the balance of Power, while the Senate has been stuffed chock full of Wild Cards and Mavericks. Yep, whichever Bozo eventually gets to call them self Prime Minister, no-one is going to be passing ANY legislation in the near future without long and protracted discussion and negotiation. Very long.

Now that’s what I call stable governance.


I of course, as a public spirited citizen, did my bit by loitering at the Polling Booths handing out How-to-vote cards for Drug Law Reform Party candidate, Dr John Jiggens. Like I said, we need a Senate stuffed with Mavericks and Wild Cards to protect our precious freedoms.

Anyway it was a lovely sunny day and I had the opportunity to threaten several of my local parishioners with Ex-Communication if they didn’t vote the right way. I also developed a good line in emotional blackmail to get people to accept my voting-cards; “Help make Medicinal Cannabis available to Kids with Cancer..You don’t want kids with Cancer to suffer, do you,” I’d wheedle, with the clear unspoken sub-text: “You’re not some sort of unfeeling bastard who’d let kids suffer are you?

Ah Politics! It’s a terribly corrupting business!

sort bull

PS As a final comment on Australian Politics, a friend recently noted that combining the initials of the leaders of the Liberal and Labor parties, (Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten) gives a complete analysis of their politics, but with the concision of a text message, ie:


which, translated into good, old-fashioned English of course reads:


Now why didn’t I notice that?





The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.,

and an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanists AND the Church of the Universe.

(You can’t just buy that sort of credibility)



~ by reverendhellfire on July 3, 2016.

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