From the Vaults; THE EEL DIARIES

We re-print this redacted copy of the Reverend’s original research journals..

electric eel close up

FIELD NOTES; The Eel Diaries

It’s true that I like to conduct my own obscure

Experiments in forbidden fields.

Like the time I became far too interested in Electric Eels.

It wasn’t fair, I had decided, in a moment of unreasonable petulance,

Why couldn’t I generate an electric field and stun

my enemies too?

Why should a lowly eel have all the fun.

After all, 87% of our DNA is shared in common.

The electricity-generating blueprints are down there somewhere

in the basement of the bodies Genetic Archives,

I just have to dig down deep

Locate, Access, and Activate the sequence, right?

How hard could it be?

electric eel diagram

Not knowing what I was doing,

I took a multi faceted approach.

First, I read everything I could find

about the Electric Eel,

plastered my walls with pictures of them

and their ugly protruding jaws.

I Meditated frequently, Visualizing in my minds eye

Radiant blue energy currents

that swirled within and about me.

I shuffled my feet on carpets on windy days

and sewed magnets into my socks.

I spent long hours in the bathtub,

in the Dark,

thinking Eely thoughts..

Only my eyes and nose poked out above

the surface thickly strewn

with stolen Lotus-lily leaves.

Furthering my mimickry I found

The Eels diet was not that different from my own;

Dead things, mainly,

and lots of little fish.


At night, drawing on the Wisdom of the East,

I lay in bed, breathing rhythmically, and focused on

Circulating the Chi & Pranic forces throughout my body,

till the room seemed to hum with a Phosphorescent Glow..

Your thinking about Eels again,” said my Girlfriend, “ I can tell.”

Yes, Sweetest, ” I confessed, “that is true, but tell me did you know..”

I continued, improvising a rapid lie, “that when they’re mating,

The Eels lovingly entwine and twirl

giving each other mild, mutual electric shocks

that spiral in a gradually ascending clitorescendo of ecstatic pleasure?”

We could try doing that,” I suggested. “Try thinking of

my penis as a lightning rod.”

Well..” she said, “Alright.”

My Girlfriend was good like that.

She always encouraged me with my researches.

erel stuff

Sadly though,

In the end I had to DISscontinue

my Eel experiments, they were starting to have DISsconcerting

Effects on my immediate Environment and the

Bioelectric circuitry of my Brain. Light bulbs blew

UP in my presence, compass needles spun wildly

in my vicinity,

Static storms erUPted in the stereo speakers,

the optic fibre fired and died,

I was subject to short circuits and sudden seizures,

micro-blackouts and fits of deja/


deja vu..


Clearly there were Forces

With which Man-Was-Not-Meant-to-Meddle!

electric eel couple

No, nor Woman neither,

I told my dissappointed Girl.

electriuc eel and little_mermaid_by_satiiiva-d2y2grp




futcha squares


reverend profile red

The Reverend Hellfire is..

yada yada yada!



~ by reverendhellfire on August 14, 2016.

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