A MODERN FAMILY
This poem will make sense to those familiar with ‘The Odyssey’, the great epic poem of Classical Greece. Apologies to Homer, but if he were alive today he’d probably be writing sit-coms for a living anyway..
A Modern Family
The sailors said that Circe
could change men into dogs and pigs.
The truth is that they did it to themselves, you dig?
She just watched and laughed.
Later though they blamed it all on Circe,
said she dressed provocatively,
led them on with her spells and wiles,
at least, that’s what they told their wives!
Penelope herself just smiled,
when Odysseus told her work had kept him
back late at the office.
She was used to his lies,
besides, she had her own line of lovers
she kept stringing along.
Meanwhile, their sullen son, teen Telemachus,
spends all his time getting high on Lotus.
(the school’s complained that he lacks focus)
Then there’s Odysseus’ old dad Laertes,
they’re worried about the old-timer.
Didn’t seem to recognise his own son,
perhaps he’s got Alzeimers?
There’s trouble with the staff,
so he suspends some maids,
now Penelope’s complaining
that it’s been years since she been laid.
And no-one’s thought to wash the dog,
It’s all too much, he hits the grog!
This Dead-beat Dad has had enough
of this dysfunctional family!
One oar across his shoulder, nonchalant,
he tells Penelope
he’s going down the shops for cigarettes.
He won’t return but she has no regrets,
she merely waves goodbye
and doesn’t mention her intention,
to apply tomorrow morning
for a Supporting Mothers Pension.
Sing now, oh Muse, of the Reverend Hellfire,
the Man of twists and turns,
driven time and again off his course..