The Pimps of Progress


The Pimps of Progress

met in conclave aboard the SS Australianus,

a hub-bub-bubbling, troubling

brew of bad haircuts and expensive suits.

Land speculators, Politicians, Off-shore Bankers

and Think Tank Economists, Hedge Fund Brokers,

Mining Magnates and malleable Media Mouthpieces*..

Yes, all the Crooked Crew were there,

and if nothing else,

it had to be conceded that,

considered as “career criminals”,

they were, one and all,

Paragons of Professionalism.


The Prince of Pimps Himselves

ascended to the podium

and addressed the crowd

with a stirring oration;


Our Pathway to PROSPERITY!”

he declared.

“You can’t stop PROGRESS and if you try

we’ll squash you like a bug..

That’s why it’s so imperative

in today’s changing, sorry, I meant,

challenging economic climate

that we have NIMBLENESS & AGILITY..

for example..which thimble

is the pea under now?”

he taunted the crowd whilst

rapidly moving the three thimbles

on the table before him.


One delegate demanded,

the prince stop

hiding the thimbles behind his hands,

but the Prince explained that, as he never allowed

his left hand to know

what his right hand was doing

it was a matter of Trust and thus

the whole process was completely

Transparent and above board.

“The Ship of State is making good speed”,

the Prince maintained. “We can’t allow those

Climate Change Hippies and Greenies

to damage our Economic Integrity” he shouted,

tho he struggled somewhat to be heard above the sound

of splintering timbers and buckling steel

as the Ship of State ground into an Ice Epidemic.


“Nothing a Royal Commission can’t fix!

Be assured my government is prepared

to make the Important Structural Changes required

to assure our Prosperity into the next Century”,

the Prince said in soothing tones,

as he organised the Survivors into sub-committees

to start rearranging deck chairs.






These must be our Watchwords!”

cried the inspirational Prince

as he hastily stuffed wads of cash

into a sturdy suitcase with a gaily coloured

“Welcome to the Cayman Islands!”

sticker stuck to its side.

“Believe me my Friends!”, the Pimply Prince

assured his agitated audience,

as he tossed the suitcase over the side

of the ship and started to climb over the guard-rail.

“There has never been a more exciting time

to shift your Assets to an off-shore, tax-free Jurisdiction”.

And with that the Prince of Pimps disappeared from view.


Later, after the good Ship of State Australianus

had disappeared beneath the waves,

all that could be seen on the Ocean’s face was a tiny

rowing boat bearing two tiny figures.

Wheeling in like a sea-bird, we find on closer examination

that one of the figures is no less than the Prince of Pimps

Themselves, perched on the cash stuffed suitcase like a petrel on a rock.

Rowing the boat whilst it puffed on a cigar

was a squat, leering, hunch-backed figure,

who resembled no-one so much

as Quasimodo in an ill-fitting suit.

After awhile it spoke..


“Which island should I row for Marrsster?

The Caymans? Hong Kong?”

The Prince shook himself out of his lordly reverie.

A smile played gently around his noble lips..

“No Joe,” he said kindly, “the only island we’ll be passing

is Ellis Island! Yes Lady Liberty herself, Joe!

Pull for New York Joe! Pull for New York!

In the US They respect an Economic Refugee with a suitcase full of cash!”.

“You can stay at my place if you like Marrssterr”, lisped the Hunchback.

“The Embassy? Why thank you Joe”.

“As former Prime Pimp it’s only what you’re entitled to, Marrsssterr..”.

“That’s true Joe, very true. And while I’m in Washington

I think I’ll visit the White House (Now that it is WHITE again you understand).

I want to see a Man there about a Dog-Whistle”.


*a profession formerly known as journalism





The Reverend Hellfire is a practised Performance Poet,

President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity

and an ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

AND the Church of the Universe.

Has trouble opening packaging.



~ by reverendhellfire on December 4, 2016.

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