Deadbeat Jesus


Twenty minutes to Midnight on Easter Saturday

and an ominous silence looms over the city.

God is dead, they tell me,

but don’t worry, he’ll be back on Sunday.

Or possibly he’ll catch up with us in Galilee

for Passover,

at any rate, certainly in our Lifetime.

He told me so himself.

He said he was just going down

to the shops for cigarettes

and that he’d be back before, as he put it:

some standing here taste of death“(Matt 16:8).

Yes, well, we’ve all heard

such excuses before. And would it really be

so surprising then, if the Big J turned out

to be the spiritual equivalent

of the “Dead-beat Dad”?

Look at his background after all,

it’s no wonder he had “Father issues”;

an unmarried teenage Mother,

a Father-figure so often absent

he was nicknamed “the Ghost”,

Poor relationship with his Step-dad

(a considerably older

man with financial problems

and trouble with the Authorities),

the Family moving around a lot,

living in trailer-parks, never

settling in one spot for long..

So like many another troubled youth

he rebelled, ditched his carpentry apprenticeship

and joined a Cult, that,

as is Standard Operating Procedure

with these sort of Outfits,

encouraged him to disown his family.

Got to the point that he even drunkenly dissed

his Mother and sisters in public,(Matt 12:48)

when they were attempting an Intervention

to get him out of the Cult’s clutches.

Last I heard he’d completely lost it;

He jumped the counter at Cash Converters and

smashed the cash-register open with a bass guitar

he’d been trying to Hock, then cast the contents of the till

out amongst the startled customers, who,

naturally enough grabbed what they could and ran.

The cops came and dragged him off screaming

how Cash Con. were a Den of Thieves

and a place of Abominations and so on and so forth.

He defended himself in court

so naturally they crucified him,

but Legal Aid got the sentence reduced

on Appeal, to 240 hours Community Service ,

after presenting a Psych Report

which painted a dismal picture

of his difficult and disadvantaged childhood.

Didn’t see much of him after that

and now it seems he’s gone completely AWOL.

Just as well he didn’t have kids really,

this sort of family dysfunction

can easily become an intractable, inter-generational

social problem (Kings 15:30)

and next thing you know

they’re all on Pensions,

with the Nanny State acting in loco parentis,

just another Welfare burden

supported by your tax dollars.


It really makes you think, doesn’t it?



The Reverend Hellfire..

he’s a bad, mad man

and dangerous to get into a conversation with.



~ by reverendhellfire on April 16, 2017.

2 Responses to “DEADBEAT JESUS”

  1. The perfect tonic to tide me over this long Easter weekend.

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