Attack of the Killer Trees!



The Christmas Tree tried to kill me!

It’s True! I swear it!

As I lay there peacefully on the floor

innocently practising my Yoga,

it suddenly attacked,

unexpected as a terrorist,

toppling on top of me

driving with deadly force

the shiny metal star at the tree’s tip

straight for the base of my throat

as the branches lashed my face and torso

with savage force.


I lay stunned, like a Mouse

that had been whacked by a broom

(the broom was full we must assume

of shards of broken glass)


Oh yes, I could see the mocking Headlines,

as I lay there, pinned to the floor,

like a rat beneath a house-cat’s claw.

(to continue the rodent metaphor)

Sub-editors gleefully playing with puns

like “Killer Tree Floors Father”,

and the readers snickering as they eat their toast,

making jokes about needing “Christmas armour”

No, they wouldn’t be able

to help themselves,

and my Life’s Work would end as a Joke,

or at best, a Cautionary Tale.


Later, reviewing the “Crime Scene”

where my Daughter, the budding Criminologist,

had, somewhat prematurely,

chalked my outline on the carpet

amongst the debris and detritus,

it struck me that superstitious folk

might take this Incident as a Bad Omen,

or a Portent perhaps, that hostile Psychic Forces

were turning their malign powers against me.


Myself, I merely took it as a Sign,

that it was way past time

to take the old Christmas Tree down

and put the tinsel & baubles away

back in the back of the cupboard.

After all, it was July.



Come see the Reverend Hellfire and Friends sonic experiments


The Reverend Hellfire is a practising Performance Poet,

President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.,

 an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

and Winner of the 2017 Paul Sherman Community Poetry Award.



~ by reverendhellfire on July 23, 2017.

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