The Ugly American is back again.


Hell, He was never really gone!

He was just out the back in the locker room

snorting cocaine and grabbing some pussy.

Now He’s back to make America Great again,

just like the Good Old Days,

when wetbacks picked the lettuce

and niggers knew their place.

The Atom bombs are being polished

for the Parades,

(All true Presidents love a Parade)

Hell, we may have to set off

one or two just to remind people

that we’ve got them.

But don’t worry,

any damage will be strictly collateral.

Meanwhile, we’re bringing back Coal again,

clean, beautiful Coal.

And Nicotine.

amazing, wonderful Nicotine.

we’re bringing that back too,

and all the wonderful people that work

in those, wonderful, wonderful American industries.

Soon we’ll have smoke-filled rooms

to make decisions in again,

whilst hefty-breasted blonds massage our necks.

How can other Peoples know how Great you are

if you’re not smoking a big cigar?

That’s why we have to invade Cuba again

so Fidel won’t keep laughing at us

with his big, 12 inch Habano Grandes.

If John Wayne was back from the Dead

he’d tell you so himself; God gave the Atom Bomb

and Tobacco to America for a reason;

to grow rich and prosper

and possess many slaves,

sorry, I meant interns.

Come! Let us become like Mormons

and have many Trophy Wives and Golf Courses!

Las Vegas glows beckoning on the Horizon

like an Alien beacon,

the Desert hums with radio-activity.

Now a Prophet has come to cut a Deal.

Wearing the many gold chains and woven hair-piece

of the successful Merchant,

He leads us Westward

towards the poisoned Sea

and bids us lay down

by it’s bitter waters

for Evermore.

Truly, we are all His Apprentices.



The Reverend Hellfire is a Human Heuristics expert, currently employed by the ASIO Psy-Ops Department to explore the potential of using Clinical Depression as a weapon of Mass Destruction. In his spare time he writes poems about dinosaurs and cats.



~ by reverendhellfire on August 6, 2017.

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