It was a quiet day at the Lab.

Then, unexpectedly, Something stirred

in the previously dormant swill lying inert

in one of the filthy & neglected test-tubes.


There at the bottom of the test-tube,

an Alphabet soup of Amino Acids

were attempting to form Words,

colliding and collapsing rapidly,

in sequential series of cataclysmic catastrophes.

Meanwhile, Meaning itself was attempting to emerge

from the Primal Soup,

like a Signal rising above the Static,

or a four-flippered fish

clambering up onto the slimy mud-banks

of some dank and steaming Primeval swamp.

Before long Meaning was standing on its hind-legs

to get a better view,

while Life itself was querying it’s own Existence.

Then Meaning told Life he believed

that God left clues for them to solve,

like a Cryptic Crossword puzzle, eg.;


In the Beginning was the Word and the Word was..

7. Across; “Self Awareness is a Life Sentence” (9 letters)

..and Lo the Word was “Sentience”,

a tasty addition to any Word Salad

or bowl of Alphabet Soup

on the verge of discovering the Periodic Table/

/Meanwhile, something sinister stirred

in the dim recesses of a hitherto neglected Test-Tube..

A Researcher frowned and muttered

to his assembled colleagues.

“Amino Acids..amphetamines..traces of shoe polish..

Yes, It’s Life.. but not as we Know it!”


At this the Conclave hums like a hive of angry hornets..

“And I use the term KNOW, Gentlemen,

in the strictest Biblical sense!”

he continued with a leer,

“Yes, the Biblical sense, as in (heh-heh)

when Adam got to K-NOAH Eve!”

(Shouting. Cat-calls. The Meeting adjourns.)/


/We cut briefly now to the Middle Ages,

where the seer Nostradamus is Speaking

during one of his famed Prophetic Trances..

“I see Oktoberfest in Munich..

a Bavarian Marching band will drink to excess!”

the Visionary announces.

Skeins & Cymbals!!” enthuses an Acolyte/

/Meanwhile at the bottom

of a cracked and scorch-marked test-tube,

something stirred sluggishly

beneath the oily scum..


“It’s only Life if we Observe it to be Life,

and catalog it as such

after an appropriate peer-review process”,

observed one Observer.

“Its only Life if we can map the gene sequence,

patent it and exploit the Trademark”,

advised the Establishments Legal Advisor.


“Try and form words”,

said a sympathetic, junior Lab Assistant

to the sullen solution from which

occasional bubbles of toxic gas erupted.

“Just take your time”, he coaxed,

“You don’t have to do whole sentences at first..”.

More bubbles rose rapidly then to the surface

and burst in quick succession

to produce a liquid Language,

talking in toxic clouds;

“I… I… I.. want..”, the Sentient Soup began  falteringly tspeak.

“It’s a bit needy, isn’t it”,

sniffed a senior Researcher condescendingly/

/Meanwhile, as the nearly discarded Contents

of a generic, bar-coded test-tube

shared Quantum Space with Schroedinger’s Cat,

the Researchers retired to the Staff Canteen

to consider their Quandary

and ponder their Predicament.

Was it really Life?

Most of the the Scientists were uncertain.

Indeed, many were uncertain even as to their own Status

in terms of the Reality of their own Existence.

“The Individual is a Western Philosophical Construct”

lectured one Western Individual,

who shall duly remain nameless,

and indeed, in accordance

with the terms of their last Request

will be buried in an unmarked

and nameless Grave.


“Oh God! Please don’t let the Animal Rights Activists

find out it’s Alive”, prayed One Atheist.

“Relax..It’s only unsubstantiated rumours..

it’s probably just Swamp Gas,

or Venus setting low in the Western Sky”,

the Public Relations Head soothed/

“Don’t worry! We’ll Copyright & Market

the Intellectual Property

and sell it to the Chinese or Americans,”

encouraged the Legal Advisor.

Tenure for Everyone!”

the Department Head announced

and the Seven Scientests all cheered

then trooped back to work

like industrious Dwarves..


Meanwhile, back in the Lab,

the Test Tubes sparkled..

“I just cleaned them out for you, Luvvie!”

said Mrs MacGuiness, the cleaning lady,

smiling brightly..




The Reverend Hellfire is a practising Performance Poet,

President of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc,

and an Ordained Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism

AND the Church of the Universe! (by Special Dispensation)

Hung Over, Strung Out and Ready 2 Roll!



~ by reverendhellfire on August 27, 2017.

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