Another Day, Another Apocalypse

Another Day Another Apocalypse

Can Humpty be put back together again?

Reverend Hellfire considers the latest Post-Apocalyptic Reports


“Isn’t it terrible,” tutted my Personal Assistant sympathetically, as she sadly surveyed the on-going Corona Crisis unfold upon the Television Screen. She had been watching the 24 hr-per-day, up-to-the minute Virus Porn Coverage with the unwavering devotion she usually reserved for Volcanoes or the Birth/ Baptism of some Royal Nobody’s drooling baby.(An affliction which still besets a surprising number of otherwise sane women. Something about the conjunction of babies and princesses, I guess.)

The Reverend’s PA suits up.

“Oh I don’t know,” I remarked lazily, “Frankly I can see an Upside“.

For I had joined her on the couch some days ago, and was myself following developments with the rapt attention I usually reserved for Impeachment Trials and other Democratic Follies, or Wildlife Documentaries where graphic footage of snakes swallowing a goat can still fill me with the same sort of wonder-struck awe as when I was a child of four.

“That’s kind of callous isn’t it?” she remonstrated.

“Nonsense! Consider. The hideous traffic congestion,

a symptom of our ever-growing over-population problem, has disappeared overnight! It’s like driving around town twenty years ago!”

“Our evenings are no longer disturbed by the regular, ear-splitting roar of Aircraft taking off or coming in for a landing. Air quality has improved remarkably also. At night you can see the stars.

And frankly I’m enjoying the enforced idleness. I need the rest, modern life is too hectic! It’s busy, busy, busy all the freakin’ time! We could all afford to do less and go slower, without having to feel guilty about it, if you ask me.”

“And”, I continued, “the Covid Pandemic has been a goddamn Bonanza for the hundreds of thousands of people who were already struggling to exist on CentreLink’s punitive “social security” (sic) regime. Not only is Morrison & Co., giving out the sort of cash handouts they’ve spent the last ten years criticising the Rudd Government for, but they have DOUBLED the pathetically small News-start allowance.

This, after years of refusing to make the smallest increase, despite pressure from Welfare Groups, Business Groups, right-wing Economic ‘Think Tanks’, Religious Groups, Economists, well, basically everybody. Their only response was to parrot the Scrooge like mantra that “the best form of welfare is a job” and look smug whilst fiddling their travel allowances and diddling their Research Assistant.

Yes, for the Unemployed, Covid Virus has been the goddamn Fairy Godmother!”

Centrelink recipients celebrate the governments’ largess

The tens of thousands of Newly Unemployed who are just getting their first taste of Centrelink’s cold embrace, may well be feeling pissed off and peeved at their treatment. But they should stop to consider just what a privileged position they are in. For the Government’s panicked response has not only doubled the Dole, but also waived all the time-wasting, work-for-the-dole/-dig-a-hole/-then-fill-it-in

type of ‘Mutual Obligation’ bullshit activity requirements that the Unemployed have previously been subject to.

No more onerous reporting requirements.

No more obligation to send out job applications for jobs that aren’t there, or for which you are not qualified, just to meet your target. No more training that teaches you nothing.

The whole apparatus whose sole function was to humiliate and harass the unemployed has been toppled overnight!

Wonder of wonders! Oh Frabjous Day!

What I also wonder is this;

Can the Measures taken be undone?

Once you’ve started paying people a liveable income,

how easy will it be to take it away?

Perhaps now is the time to seriously consider

introducing the concept of the Universal Wage?

Unemployed air-hostesses cueing outside Centrelink

Now it’s often been my contention, when offering advice to Young People, that all of us sooner or later have some Disaster befall us, purely as part of what is known euphemistically as “Life’s Rich Pattern”, and if we can, we should try and make sure that it happens

during some sort of large-scale Disaster or National Emergency with lots of other victims involved.

That way you’re more likely to get some sort of Compensation for your tragic Fate.

Why this should be, I do not know, but I hold it to be a General Maxim in Life:

Die alone, you die unmourned. Die in Company and you get your name on National Monuments and learned by rote by school-children.

Have a heart attack or a car accident and no-one cares, except perhaps your immediate acquaintances, who’ll take it on the chin, as it were. Mutter something about “dying as he lived” and move on. Your mortality in effect becomes your responsibility, or even your fault, and the world just shrugs and moves on. You are just another leaf on the forest floor.

But die in a mass-shooting, or a Tsunami or a building catching on fire and now you’re a tragic, senseless Victim, and entitled to all the rights of Victimhood. Sympathy abounds. The waste of Human Life and your vast Potential will be sadly tutted over. If you survive you’re a Hero and your scars will be read as red badges of courage. If you die your children get scholarships.

Be sure to wash your hands frequently

None of this is Fair, of course, but then Life is rarely Fair.

So in conclusion, let me leave you with these figures to ponder as you huddle with your loved ones in your socially-isolated Doomsday Shelter:

At time of writing 19 people have died in Australia of Corvid virus. By way of comparison, last year 2,855 Australians drowned. Half of them were drunk. Meanwhile, no-one died in Australia after being bitten by a spider, for something like the fourteenth year in a row, and yet, disgustingly, many ignorant people will still kill every spider they see.

And finally, a single tablespoon of Sea-water contains around twelve thousand individual virii.

Makes you think, doesn’t it?



The Reverend Hellfire is a self-isolated Performance Poet,

quarantined Secretary of the Kurilpa Institute of Creativity Inc.,

and locked down Minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

“And each alone in the cell of ourselves/

is almost convinced of our freedom.”


~ by reverendhellfire on March 29, 2020.

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